He thought he saw a Buffalo
Upon the chimney - piece:
He looked again and found it was
His Sister's Husband's Niece.
"Unless you leave this house," he said,
"I'll send for the police !"

He thought he saw a Rattlesnake
That questioned him in Greek:
He looked again and found it was
The middle of next week.
"The one thing I regret", he said,
"Is that it cannot speak !"

He thought he saw a banker's Clerk
Descending from the bus:
He looked again and found it was
A Hippopotamus:
"If this should stay to dine" he said,
"There won't be much for us !"

He thought he saw a Kangaroo
That worked a coffee - mill:
He looked again and found it was
A Vegetable - Pill:
"Were I to swallow this," he said,
"I should be very ill !"

He thought he saw a Coach and Four
That stood beside his bed:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bear without a head:
"Poor thing," he said, "poor silly thing !
It's waiting to be fed !"

He thought he saw an Albatross
That fluttered round the lamp:
He looked again, and found it was
A Penny Postage Stamp:
"You'd best be getting home," he said
"The nights are very damp !"

He thought he saw a Garden Door
That opened with a key:
He looked again, and found it was
A Double Rule of Three:
"And all it's mystery," he said,
"Is very clear to me !"

He thought he saw an Argument
That proved he was the Pope:
He looked again, and found it was
A bar of mottled soap:
"A fact so dread," he faintly said,
Extinguishes all hope !"