- How can you have a set of teeth inserted free?
Annoy the dog
- Which bird lifts the heaviest weights?
A crane
- What table has no legs?
A timetable
- What is bought by the yard and worn by the foot?
Carpet
- Why is a hen sitting on a fence like a cent?
It has it's head on one side and it's tail on the other
- What kind of coat do you put on wet and has no buttons?
A coat of paint
- What is a pig after it is three days old ?
Four days old
- What is the hardest thing about riding a skateboard?
The Road
- Which letter is never found in the alphabet?
The one you just posted
- Why is the Statue of Liberty's finger eleven inches long?
Because if it was twelve inches it would be a foot
- Spell enemy in three letters?
Foe
- Why does a steam train never sit down?
Because it has a tender behind
- Why is Turtle Wax so expensive?
Because turtles have such little ears.
- How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit card
- What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Lost.
- What is an 11 letter word everyone pronounces incorrectly?
Incorrectly.
- What's in the middle of a jellyfish?
A Jellybutton.
- How do you know that an Elephant has been in your refrigerator?
There's foot prints in the butter.
- What do you call a fly without wings?
A Walk.
- When is a door not a door?
When it's Ajar.
- What's big white and fluffy and beats its chest?
A Meringue-utan
- Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
So he would be Polyunsaturated.
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- What should you keep after giving it to someone else?
Your word
- What's smaller than an ants mouth?
Anything it puts in it
- What do we have in December that we don't have in any other month?
The letter D
- What international catastrophe would be caused by dropping a platter at Thanksgiving?
It would be the downfall of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece and the destruction of China
- What can speak every single language?
An echo
- What do you have to do to have soft hands?
Nothing
- To what man do men always take off their hats?
The barber
- Where are happiness and contentment always found?
In the dictionary
- What time is it when the clock strikes thirteen?
Time to get a new clock
- If two's company and three is a crowd what is four and five?
Nine
- Why did the moron go to the football game?
He thought the quarterback was a refund
- What has four eyes and runs for more than 2000 miles?
The Mississippi
- Which bird can lift the heaviest weight?
The crane
- When is a black dog most likely to come into the house?
When the door is open
- If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.
- What two things that Adam never possessed did he give to his children?
Parents
- Why do elephants never forget?
Because nobody ever tells them anything
- What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A Piiig
- What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?
Anything you like, it can't hear you.
- Can you telephone from the space shuttle?
Of course, the phone's the one with the long chord.
- How do you fit four Elephants in a Sports?
Car
Two in the front and two in the back.
- What did the fly say when it hit the window?
If I had the guts I'd do that again.
- How do you talk to a Giant?
You use Big Words.
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- Why is O the loudest vowel?
All the others are in audible
- Which question can never be answered with "Yes"?
Are you asleep?
- Is there an English word that contains all of the vowels?
Yes, unquestionably
- Which two things that Adam never possessed did he give to his children?
Parents
- What is the best butter?
A goat
- What has three feet but can't walk?
A yard
- Why is the letter B like fire?
It makes oil boil
- What is the difference between the North Pole and the South Pole?
All the difference in the world
- Which animals have their eyes closest together?
The smallest ones
- What has three feet but can't walk?
A yard
- What word will make you sick if you take away the first letter?
Music
- If your uncle's sister is not your aunt what relation is she?
Your Mother
- What do giraffes have that no other animals have?
Baby giraffes.
- What did the Platypus say when she bought a lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
- What is lighter than a feather yet harder to hold?
Your breath
- What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
- How can you make seven even?
Remove the "S".
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What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
Any dog, buildings can't jump.
- How can you tell that there are four Elephants in your refrigerator?
There's a Sports Car parked out front.
- What do you get when you cross an Elephant with a Computer?
A two tonne Know it All.
- Where do Rabbits go when they get married?
On their Bunnymoon.
- How do porcupines play leapfrog?
Very Carefully.
- Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
'Cause they have fat fingers.
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